In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
