the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
