Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're so nebulous sometimes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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