Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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