have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need a beard to bite.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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