also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
