Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think my vagina is haunted
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
