Do vagina's smell?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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