Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
