sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize