toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
