Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
