apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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