How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
