I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
