Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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