so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
