Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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