so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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