oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
