I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
