I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
