He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
