I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
