can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
