remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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