Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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