Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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