Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize