you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
