yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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