did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
