Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
