Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
