woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
