I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As shirtless as possible
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
