Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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