I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just tell him i said nine months
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
