Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize