I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
