i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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