You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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