Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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