she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
