I have demons in me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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