Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
