Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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