No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
