I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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