he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is Oprah even human
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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