He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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