Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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