last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
