my phone needs a breathalizer
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
