The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am available for nakedness
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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