Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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