he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
