Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
