all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
