the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
