i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
