I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
