everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
